Sunday, August 28, 2016

Potty training mini me Part III

      Only thing left is getting over the "taking a shit can hurt" relalization. To avoid the ohh so awful toilet, she doesn't dance or hide in a corner. What gives her away are the random statements while conversating.

So how'd summer camp go today?

"I don't have to go potty"

      I keep three books in the bathroom for her to read. Fuq that iPad. One is about sitting the hell down and trying to piss before leaving the house. 
      The other I scooped up is about how fantastic panties are. A page contains the days of the week on each pair. I sing it in the rhythm of the Happy Days theme song. While overhearing her reading on the shitter, she sings it too. 
      Lastly, the nitorious Everyone Poops.

In about a week this kid, very persistent to avoid big girl shit, is just about potty trained. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Building back Belle Isle

      Back in 2011 my friend took some hoop shots for my portfolio, and hers. We chose Belle Isle for the location. At that time the island had abandoned exhibits galore. Aquarium, conservatory, train station, and the nitorious zoo, all abandoned. Successfully broke into the zoo (shown in picture)


      Attended this years Belle Isle art fair. Haven't taken a visit since my sister and I took a visit in 2012. I was aware they opened a "feed the deer" trail for kids. (deer that will die come hunting season)
      The aquarium, conservatory, and train were all re-open! Was super pumped to run into sea horses. Jelly fish too. Disappointed they had no mermaids...


      On our journey to foods we passed up a flock of brothers coooking ribs. They clearly saw we smelled the amazing food and flagged us over. Turns out they were selling tickets to purchase food. Also got homemade Arnold Palmers. Sorry Arnie...This tea was far better with had no after taste. 

      If you visit Michigan, tour Detroit. Especially Belle Isle! All exhibits are free. 
      I'm in no way suggesting breaking into the zoo or responsible for consequences of doing so.

Familia at faja's


      My pops lives pretty close to the airport. Spent Sunday at his place during the air show. I know nothing about these two planes, besides they were loud as shit. 


      My sister and her husband always bring interesting candy to family functions. Last two times received a ziplock bag full of Gummie Bears. They got a pack of 467,000 (not literally 467,000). This time got a nifty sucker with a dead cricket inside. I'd like to find a local candy shop with ridiculously entertaining candies.


      Of course, I cared more for the food and hula hooping. My dads ribs are the cats meow. Seriously. Great day to hoop. Even my man picked one up. He tends to successfully do a crazy trick without noticing, and "has no idea what I'm talking about" once I tell him.
He must be a closet hooper.. who will one up me in a dance off someday.
No no, I think he's truly unaware of what he's doing. Just does it to make me happy. 


My notorious selfie while flying. Was taught how to fly by Wonder Woman's people. She was my nanny so we're pretty close. 

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Engagement party

      I've never experienced an engagement party until this weekend. Big brothas lovely lady is naturally classy. Also very traditional. The immediate families and a couple close friends of there's attended the party. The event was to introduce the families. Buuut everybody sat with the people they know. Sooo, big brotha and his lady had a few people introduce themselves and say an embarrassing story about one of them. 

For example
      Easy mac came out. Big brotha didn't add water. He thought it was that easy. Smell in the kitchen was as inconvenient as when you burn popcorn. 


      Lovely mother and I. Don't take from many of her lovely features sadly...only have her lips and jawline. Still can't find the picture of my dad in middle school. It's me...but a dude. Adore pictures with my ma. Especially this one. 

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Potty training mini me Part II

      If you read my first potty training trick up my sleeve, you know it was a success. Perfect for the stubborn toddler!
      Thursday I grabbed my TY plush doll. Made the doll an ugly diaper and pretty pair of underwear out of felt. Made her a toilet out of an old laundry detergent cap. Added blue felt, and a safety pin for the flush handle. Mini Micaela will be responsible for potty training Maria (I named the doll Maria, yes I named a doll).
      After mini Micaela awoke from her nap, introduced her to Maria. Said Maria was scared and needs her to also sit on the toilet to comfort her. 

"I'll sit on the potty, but can you ask Maria to leave...?"

      Didn't work as planned...She requests her iPad to watch PawPatrol on the shitter. Totally works, but claims she's not done peeing after half a friggen hour. 


      Later attempted to avoid giving her the iPad so she focuses on controlling her body.

"Micaela! Can you poop for me pleaseeeeeeeeee!?"


      I'm fresh out of ideas. Besides putting red in the toilet to make orange. If you have any ideas, please do share. 

Friday, August 19, 2016

Potty training mini me

      Recently I've been a nanny for a 3-year-old girl named Micaela. Honestly think I got the job because I'm also Micaela... The position ends in the fall when she starts preschool, if she's potty trained by then. 
      She requested me to get her a bag yesterday. Wasn't satisfied with the paper bag, needed a plastic one. The kid took the plastic bag, put it under her while already sitting, and pees. Even admitted she used it to piss, and don't give a fuck about no big girl shit. 


     My ma once used that blue toilet cleaner, discovered my piss made it green. That is literally how I learned yellow and blue make green. So I took some blue finger paint and mixed it with water in her munchkin toilet. The other day we mixed primary colors with clay. She only remembered how to make pink. After informing her of this blue water, she finally went pee. Looked at the water after...


      Refused to pour it into the toilet to flush. Must show mommy and daddy at their arrival. 
      Yellow doesn't make too many other colors. This won't last long. Today I have a more long term trick up my sleeve. 

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Do it like an Olympian

      Once upon a time I was a teen in track and field. Excellent sprinter since as long as I remember. Didn't find it fun at all, very intimidating. 
      What the hell is this concoction you call starting blocks? Does it really matter what hand I hold the baton in for a relay? Why are the starting lines on an angle? I failed math. 
      One of my first races was a relay. Three bitches take off before I get the baton. Pass them all up, hand my partner the baton. Awkwardly. Resulting in a face plant to the track with a tad momentum still in me. 


We were disqualified. 
Because the baton was in the wrong hand. 

      Never understood why it wasn't because of my fall. Apparently as long as your torso or lower half is past the successfully finish. Didn't look as bad ass as Allyson Felix. At all. It was pretty horrible. But if you're gonna do it, do it like an Olympian.